In My Head- A Lifetime of Mental Health

I am an enneagram type 6. When the enneagram test became popular I took it, not expected much. Hasn't everyone done the BuzzFeed what-character-from-this-popular-show-are-you tests?  Enneagram test link here. I scored very high in 6 and 2. Given my anxiety I questioned which one I really was. I identified with each one, but I can never fully trust myself.  Then I found myself sending contact emails for a lawyer for a friend. A friend I barely ever see.  I am a six. I am loyal to a fault. I will lay down everything I have for you.  You can hurt me and walk all over me, and I will still be there for you. I have been accused of loving too hard.  I have been accused of caring too much. (They were right, I did)  I have cried over:  Why I care more about people than they care about me?  Why are things are so hard for me? Why do I have to try so hard all the time.     Why is everything so exhausting to me? I am a t...

As a child of the 90s, I had a yakbak recorder. My dad recorded a cute little message saying how much he loved me and to have a good day at school. I remember a friend recorded over his message and I was SO ANGRY even though it was an equally nice message. Why didn’t they notice? My dad often had to work on the weekends he had visitation of me. He would often give me the option of coming along or staying to hang out with my grandma. Even as a teenager, every time I choose not to go with him, I cried as he pulled off wondering if I would ever see him again. Why didn’t anyone notice? I remember being four years old and terrified of people coming into my house at night. If Santa can do it can’t others figure it out too? I followed my mom around the entire house checking every door and window to make sure it was locked. She told me Santa had to knock to be let in. I was still unsure.  Why didn’t she notice? I was about 15 years old and a talking back sar...